Burning Question #21 – Why Is It That Some Men Can Romance You and Stay the Same Until the End, While Others Become Comfortable and Forget About the Things They Did to Get You?

CWR Relationships TNT with J. Thurman, B.A.

Burning Question #21 – Why Is It That Some Men Can Romance You and Stay the Same Until the End, While Others Become Comfortable and Forget About the Things They Did to Get You?

J. Thurman, B.A.

J. Thurman, B.A.

This question, once again, tackles one of the twenty-one questions that women do not ask men. A woman’s priorities when it comes to need versus want become blurred while trying to get to know someone. Food, clothing and shelter and other physiological needs top of the list when it comes to finding out if a man can provide these things not only for himself, but for the woman he is interested in as well. I suggest discussing your ideas about love and belonging early in the encounter, so that the person you have an interest in is clear as to what you mean by romance.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs gives a basic starting point to investigation and find out how something like romance exists in the mind, of not only men, but women as well. Maslow uses the concept of love and belonging and says that if these terms are applied to a person’s life the individual can live a more balanced life. That person can live free from the deprivation that takes its toll on the whole body by not having a sense of belonging or acceptance. From my perspective romance provides the space in a person’s life to offer good love and a deep sense of connecting causing a person to feel accepted internally and externally.

The under layers of human needs like a sense of belonging in a relationship are important, but talking about it often falls off the list of things that must be discussed. Playing detective, which for some women is their favorite sport waste a lot of time, money and energy while spoiling a ripe opportunity to get the sometimes elusive truth from men. Learn when a man is most susceptible to being truthful, then strike.

Most times if a person does not know what romance is, just accepting something that sounds good is good enough? One should never complain when you just accept what somebody gives you, especially when you have ample time to talk about it. Some men are just professional boyfriends while others are just warm bodies passing off as one. What do you think is romantic and how do you grow it; cultivate it and sustain it? I know that of all the things that move and oscillate in the known universe creativity and imagination can help you concoct the elixir of romance in ample portions. The challenge is having the courage to express it even in a situation where you feel rejection is eminent. The trick to remember is that your persistence and sincerity makes all things happen.

Try with these basics point to help navigate the conversation:

· Romance entails a sense of connection that is deeply and passionately attentive and physically spiritually expressive. If you bargain with this and “settle” for someone that is a good earner, then that is your choice. Look for tendencies in you and in the person you are interested in. Do not assume you can hint guilt or plant a romantic nature into everybody you meet.

· Work out the Intimacy bugs by building a frame together as to what intimacy is. Then build a masterpiece of trust. You will find that most people do not even know what intimacy is and are too egotistic to find out. Only in the end when their significant other craves for it do they find out they cannot fake it any more. By definition intimacy is trust and without this sincere romance is an illusion.

. Friendship is the main ingredient for a successfully consistent romantic experience every time. Subtle nuances that keep romance fresh come from the basic components of friendship. A person that listens with both ears and humility can stock pile new and fresh information that make the next romantic experience hot and heavy. Friendship or the appearance of friendship creates an environment that allows the other person to say things that they would normally be in reserve to express. This information makes the romantic experience easier and more detailed to the person you are trying to satisfy.

· Connection is vital for a romance. Ask yourself what connects you to that other individual besides primal attraction and if it is just primal, respect that, and know where you stand. A shared sense of adventure or shared sense of conservatism, it does not matter whatever it is needs to be drawn out. Find a common thread and start to weave a tapestry that is beautifully unique together. We spend a lot of time avoiding connecting because of our fear and insecurities and in the end it causes us more trouble than it’s worth. Our connection as a human family affects our overall health inside and out. Connection is natural. Having a solid and authentic connection is pure gold and allows everything to flow effortlessly.

With that said you get what you pay attention to. What are you paying attention to?

Rule #4081 Men want women to stay the same (physically & sexually), while women want men to change (intellectually and spiritually). When that change does not happen women realize they have been blindsided by the fact that “he is what he is” and was that way the whole time. You were just under the influence (New-ness, Attractive-ness, Horny-ness, and Might be the one-ness, etc…). Stay Above the Influence!

When it comes to being romantic some men come out with guns blazing and then run out of ammunition, others cliché you to death, but at least they make an attempt. Some do not even try. Romance is purely subjective when it should be objective, more of a personal experience, but if there is no romantic experience to compare it to, then what? Men don’t forget what it took to get you, they simply forget, “YOU”. Often time people forget each other and depend on the other to uphold the newness that once sparked that special encounter, but that’s another article for another time. They run the term and forget what’s important, “us” and spend the duration of the time together disrespecting the relationship. They disrespect the love and the sense of belonging that encourages a healthy sense of acceptance. That situation can be corrected, but do not spend your life time doing so.

The guy that doesn’t even try…..well what can you say? Remember the scene in the movie “300” where King Leonidas kicks the messenger of Persia into the endless pit….. I believe you get the picture. Then there are men that are obsessed with pleasing the person they are in a relationship with and romance oozes from their pores. They are natural romantics. These men can’t help it they appreciate their woman and reciprocate naturally. But no matter what, if having a romantic life is important or unimportant, you can make it happen. Instead of worrying about what someone else is not giving you live with a romantic spirit and all that you want will come. Ladies, remember you get what you pay for, rather it be a pair of Manolo Blahnik five inch heels or a man that cannot warm your side of the bed, you choose.

About J. Thurman, B.A.:  A native of Chicago, J. Thurman uses his experience as a researcher, educator, and historian, to bring forth an offering that will start the movement to redefine the ideas of relationships between men and women. As a published author and relationship guru, he constantly pushes the envelope in the war between truth an honesty in relationships. He is a graduate of Southern University and currently lives in Atlanta, GA. He currently speaks and tours all over the country.

Is A Long Relationship Better Than Marriage?

CWR Relationships TNT with J. Thurman, B.A.

Is A Long Relationship Better Than Marriage? 

 

 

J. Thurman, B.A.

J. Thurman, B.A.

I get the marriage question a lot in these days and times, but my friend Nonie Scott gave me a great topic to talk about this month, so I’ll just go with the inspiration. I always like to examine peoples reasons for getting married because I believe a lot of it is predicated on influence and peer pressure, and yes you can be a grown person and still succumb to peer pressure. Influence and peer pressure are key components as to why people get married whether it be the influence of the mind through subconscious impressions or more direct with external pressures to tie the knot.

 

With a long term relationship there is less pressure to ceremonialize your union because the union is conceived under natural law a basic hierarchy of needs: Food, Clothing, Shelter and the Need to procreate. Couples make a conscious decision to partner up to benefit their mutual needs. This type of commitment is unforced and falls more in line with consent as opposed to the false concept of marital consent manufactured by the government. Men have a proclivity in the past to endorse the idea a long term relationship (aka shacking) without marriage exclusively, but the reality is that more and more women have adopted this philosophy. The primary reason that men are more attached to “keeping things as they are” is to minimize their level of emotional liability and financial risk. And for this reason women have chosen the same point of view.

 

The lack of emotional, spiritual and psychical commitment that is stigmatized to the long term relationship without marriage is not as concrete as it used to be. Men are not fearful of marriage they are fearful of making a bad choice with the wrong person. Women need the social status and accolades that come with marriage. While men want the comforts of a woman without the conventional patterns and responsibilities that come with marriage.

 

Traditionally, you made a deal, stuck with the bargain, and suffered in quiet rage for 40 plus years then died of cancer and disappointment. Guilt, tears and rage used to be the trump card that many woman used when confronting their beau that just did not get the hint, slash ultimatum, marriage or die. The sentiment has changed because the old guard has changed. A woman no longer has to settle and marry in order to sustain her economic survival. She is the boss’s boss now.

 

There are benefits to having a long term relationship without marriage in contrary to the judgmental opinions of the populace. The number one benefit is having the absolute freedom to walk away without any discourse or legal action. There is no legally binding contract to break that is enforced by the law punishable by jail or financial penalty. Another benefit is the lack of consequence impeded by marriage which some would say is the number one deterrent to getting married. It alleviates the pressure and lets people know that they are in that relationship for their reasons and not the laws reasons or peer pressures reasons. Couples that do not get married are together for years and never get married nor do they find the need to get married and they sustain extremely happy lifestyles. They have children and own homes and exist in the purest ways man and woman were supposed to.

 

Then there are the benefits of marriage, aka the contract. Marriage is one of the primary principles of modern day non-secular ideology. It is the foundation for which society functions and in its own way gives stability and order to the social beast. Marriage is a recognized agreement between God, family and country legal and binding for all to see. It is more of a public declaration than a private matter between two people. The issues that most people that are in a long term relationship have are being allowed the legal privileges that married couples have. These matters exist when that person’s partner has no say, especially in cases that involve terminal illness and/or incapacitation. Marriage, in such severe cases allows a definite sense of autonomy that is missing in non-traditional relationships. Marriage’s explicit benefit is that it is clear along the lines of wealth inheritance, property, legitimating of bloodlines and in today’s world the security of shared medical benefits on the job. In essence, marriage is about S.E.C.U.R.I.T.Y.

 

I want it to be known that I don’t favor one form of relationship more that the other I just want to help weigh the pros and cons. Just because you are married does not guarantee bliss and happiness and it surely does not mean that no one will not run up in your home and steal your spouse. And by the same token being in a long term unmarried relationship does not ensure a utopian type lifestyle. Whether you choose a conventional alternative method of partnership or you decide to tie a knot is purely the choice of the individual and in the end I believe that true partnerships are about purpose and connection defined on their own terms.

 

Whether you have been together for 10 years or one year, understand that you determine the course of your relationship alone at the end of the day and at the break of each day. There are testimonials that show married people being better friends, people to one another and even lovers after they get divorced. Why? Then you have people that are together for years and finally decide to get married and they begin to loathe each other and even part ways. Why? It all starts with the perception that you create about the relationship that you are in. There is a reason that you involve yourself in the kind of lifestyle of your choosing; the kind of thoughts you think and the kind of relationship you involve yourself with. Your thoughts and attitudes create the success or failure of your relationship. Marriage, to the masses, signifies the ultimate commitment capped with a divine covenant. However, it is the individual’s lack of moral discipline to fulfill the verbal contract that causes the problem. Say what you mean and mean what you say. STOP PLAYING WITH PEOPLES EMOTIONS! Your commitment has nothing to do with outdated vows and more useless words, they have everything to do with the action that brings about all that you desire in a relationship whether it be in the name of God or in the name of your good working applied faith bound together by the movement of R.E.A.LLove.

 

 

About J. Thurman, B.A.: A native of Chicago, J. Thurman uses his experience as a researcher, educator, and historian, to bring forth an offering that will start the movement to redefine the ideas of relationships between men and women. As a published author and relationship guru, he constantly pushes the envelope in the war between truth an honesty in relationships. He is a graduate of Southern University and currently lives in Atlanta, GA. He currently speaks and tours all over the country.

 

Dating Potential

CWR Relationships TNT with J. Thurman, B.A.

Dating Potential

 

J. Thurman, B.A.

J. Thurman, B.A.

In this edition of CWR, I wanted to look at the people who go out and date for the sole purpose of potential. Everybody is out looking for something and the people who say that they are not are just lying. Now, depending on what that something is weighs exclusively on that individual. Some date for companionship, networking, friendship, sex, etc. The list can be long or short depending on who you talk to. However, there is a very special group that date potential and not the individual. The individual becomes a prop in their relationship production, starring them.

 

The problem with dating potential is that people are usually a poor judge of potential and just do not do it right. Dating potential can often lead you to waste your time, money and energy. And anybody that has read my book knows that I am all about saving your time money and energy. Hoping someone will turn it around is an optimistic way of looking at it, but there is a deeper truth. If your goal is to date people based off of their potential, be it earning potential, leadership potential and husband / wife potential, become a student of your craft and show other people how to do it properly. But for those who do not know when to leave a relationship because they are still chasing potential I say learn “when to say when”, if not for you, then for all the peoples lives that will affect by your act of indecision and fear.

 

The Art of Dating Potential has some key factors that most people need to be aware of in order to perform this operation successfully:

 

1. Know what you are looking for.

2. Access your prospect within the first encounter

based off a three point criteria.

 

a) Need

b) Benefit

c) Measurable return (Time Limit)

3. Assets (Financial or Network Resources)

 

We hear all the time about how people married their spouse because they “saw the potential in them” and they where successful. What these people do not tell is that there was such a substantially important piece to their decision that was exposed that they were convinced that this person was the “ONE”. A piece of evidence that becomes the tipping point for their life changing decision-they utilized their intuition. Mr. or Ms. Potential could have just graduated from Harvard with a law degree or have just lost a multi-million dollar company or even someone that had and incredible list of contacts and resources that that person did not know how to use until you came etc.

 

There are some people that abandoned ship just when that “POTENTIAL” broke through and they miss out on reaping the harvest of the many seeds that they planted in that individual over time. And there are the people who stay the course and receive all that are due to them. People that are “Potential Chasers” are controlled by ‘The Fear of Loss or The Hope of Gain”. Dating Potential without a plan usually leaves you with a desperate fear of loss and missing out on something that ultimately controls your decision making process. That kind of mind state can often leave people in limbo never learning how to anchor their core beliefs in being specific about what they want and how to articulate it, not necessarily to other people, but to themselves. Living outside of the fear of losing out or gaining something is important so that they can begin to not become a slave to the “if I just….” When you live in that realm of dating potential and not dating the person it becomes a void that usually wastes your time, money and energy.

 

Do not date potential without a plan of action. Dating potential is not for everyone and a warning label is attached to handle with respect. It can become the kind of thing that can affect your soul and throw you off your purpose. Many people say that they are dating potential but it just becomes another excuse to hold on out of the fear of not being alone. The security of the familiar can be addictive. Face up to the real reason why you are dating and enjoy the experience. It is another wonderful journey in the human experience and you should learn from it as much as you can.

About J. Thurman, B.A.: A native of Chicago, J. Thurman uses his experience as a researcher, educator, and historian, to bring forth an offering that will start the movement to redefine the ideas of relationships between men and women. As a published author and relationship guru, he constantly pushes the envelope in the war between truth an honesty in relationships. He is a graduate of Southern University and currently lives in Atlanta, GA. He currently speaks and tours all over the country.

 

 

 

Building The Perfect Date

CWR Relationships TNT with J. Thurman, B.A.

Building The Perfect Date

J. Thurman, B.A.

J. Thurman, B.A.

Is it easier to find a date or find a mate? Well, it depends. If you are among the fortunate ones to be blessed with the basic package of having a look and tolerable personality, you can get a date. Now, for those that cannot get a date or find the dating scene daunting, I want to show you how to create the perfect date with ease. If you are gifted enough to repel a date just think of how gifted you are truthfully at ATTRACTTING, not just a date, but a GREAT DATE every time. The “date” is not just a person, it is the overall experience. Build it with R.E.A.L L.O.V.E and it cannot fail.1.    Build a blueprint from scratch and use it every time until you find a way to make it second nature. This blueprint is comprised of reality not fantasy.

The blueprint consists of:


A.    “YOU” (E-motional Body, Attitude, Open-mindedness, and a

       Willingness to accept goodness in your life)

B.    Time

C.    Place

D.    A wanting to be a part of the Human Experience and feast at the table of Life.

2.    Visualize the kind of experience you want to have totally dependent of the other person being present.


3.    If the word “DATE” causes you to have a mind virus, lose it 
and replace it with a term that positively defines the

       overall outcome of the experience.
4.    Don’t use expectation to ensure your dates success build  it brick-by-brick? Use your blueprint!
5.    Utilize simplicity, creativity and imagination in your  interaction, but emphasize simplicity.
6.    Write it down! I cannot emphasize this point enough the mind map is just a start to manifest that thought into an incredible reality. Please use one of the most incredible technological inventions in modern man, a pen, to diagram your blueprint on paper.
7.    Control the options when your companion for that date is indecisive. Give them “ABC” and then give them your  real choice. Make “ABC” complicated then make “D” the easiest of all the choices.
8.    Pick the right date spot. Never second guess yourself . Your intuition is your greatest tool in this case.  Keep a list of venues based off your various moods.
9.    Be flexible! Keep an open-mind and thrive in the moment.  Try newness!
10.   Be present and turn off the phone.

11.   Map “YOU” out! When you create your blueprint you are going to find out something wonderful. You are going learn how easy it is to create a fun date just by taking a little time to think about what you want and how you like it.

12.   Never second guess yourself .Your intuition is your greatest tool. It guides you as you build every aspect of  the date from the company in want to be in to the color of the shoes you’re going to wear.

13.   Do not depend on the other person to supply you with a Great Time. Your attitude that you have discussed in your blueprint takes care of that. Utilize your pleasing personality and beautiful attitude to affect the mood. Your smile is the key to your dating success, so get to know it daily.

14.   Don’t look for what you believe the other person is “SUPPOSE TO DO” or “KNOW” what to do, assumptions on a date create tension and disrupt the positive flow. 

15.   Relax and have fun! Remember you have no one to impress but yourself on how you are constantly growing and have learned to enjoy life affecting everybody around you in an amazing way.

We will talk about the mating rituals later. And remember if the problem is choice, who chooses for you?

 

About J. Thurman, B.A.: A native of Chicago, Jay Thurman uses his experience as a researcher, educator, and historian, to bring forth an offering that will start the movement to redefine the ideas of relationships between men and women. As a published author and relationship guru, he constantly pushes the envelope in the war between truth an honesty in relationships. He is a graduate of Southern University and currently lives in Atlanta, GA. He currently speaks and tours all over the country.

 

Can YOU Get What You Want?

CWR Relationships TNT with J. Thurman, B.A.

Can YOU Get What You Want?

 

J. Thurman, B.A.

J. Thurman, B.A.

Ladies, can you ask for what you want from men or are you afraid to disturb the waters? Can you ensure that you are clear in what you want, like a WOMAN, or are you living a life of surrender and settling? The most common response is “I won’t get it”, “He won’t do it” and my favorite, “He won’t LET ME”. Be different! Manifest all that you want.

In relationships, woman has learned over the centuries that the surrender technique is their best weapon against the physically imposing.  Seduction was and is a woman’s best kept secret when it comes to getting what they want. The trouble is that very few women know “Seduction Techniques” anymore. They are usually overtly sexual and lack the sophisticated tactical implementation at the point of contact.

The old passive-aggressive technique is the most overly used approach known to man. It works because it allows a woman to appear to surrender her POWER, while women perform a psychic conversion on their target. But like all tools, if you don’t sharpen them they become dull. Having other mechanisms in place allows the mind to be more creative and fluid. Simplicity and vision are additional examples of other mechanisms you can utilize to get what you want.

Men are powerless against a woman who is sure, confident with persistence, utilizes a concentration of effort and definiteness of purpose. There is no extreme mathematical computation necessary. It is as certain as the sun.

When a woman is sure and focused, free from the distraction of exterior influence she gets what she wants. When a woman is confident because of her persistence of what she wants she is sublime and cannot be turned down. For what is hers is hers and it cannot avoid her or detour her. A concentration of effort causes all that she desires to manifest right before her instantaneously.  And a definiteness of purpose causes her to make decisions quickly and change them very slowly.

The fatal flaw that women have is their willingness to second guess themselves. They are the most intuitive of the species, yet they succumb to the poison of perception and giving a thing or a person a second chance. With this sense of doubt they ignore the thing that makes them great.  Don’t Second Guess Yourself!
A woman can get what she wants if she is specific in that thing that she wants and is unwavering in accomplishing that goal. Success, love, money are some things that women want and can be achieved with the aforementioned techniques.
You are worthy of a good relationship-create it! I am here to help.

About J. Thurman, B.A.: A native of Chicago, J. Thurman uses his experience as a researcher, educator, and historian, to bring forth an offering that will start the movement to redefine the ideas of relationships between men and women.  As a published author and relationship guru, he constantly pushes the envelope in the war between truth an honesty in relationships. He is a graduate of Southern University and currently lives in Atlanta, GA.  He currently speaks and tours all over the country.

Healing From A Highly Emotional Break-up

J. Thurman, B.A.

J. Thurman, B.A.

The old saying that “what doesn’t kill you-BLAH, BLAH, BLAH… is convenient, but those are the quoted axioms of the lousy and “in love”. They are not the sentiment of the heart broken and emotionally distraught. Their feelings are best left to sadness and loss, but why?  What are they losing, but yet another great opportunity to learn about themselves? The agony many feel is heart wrenching and inconsolable, but is treatable and preventable.

Many people ache for the hand of sympathy and the epiphany of their misunderstood love. The many that feel hopeless are unaware that they have only to learn how to deal with their E-Motions or energy in motion.

From a very young age you should be taught how to deal with your emotions in a very functional and practical way. Unfortunately, there are adults that never learn how to deal with their emotions either, because their parents never taught them or their parent did not know themselves. The key to gaining emotional empowerment lay dormant within you and not someone or anything else.

Most people seek out the distraction of other people’s angst. Other people look for the distraction of food, sex and alcohol. And the rest are motivated by their self loathing. But here lies an opportunity to redeem from within and learn how to work on the “YOU”.  People love the distraction of life, usually the lives of others, which give them the perfect opportunity to delay their innate healing.

It takes courage to heal, but it takes strength to stay focus and cancel out the distractions of fear and regret. I am not here to ask you to avoid people, places or things. All that I ask is that you ignore distractions that would delay your healing.

Preventable & Treatable Ways

The question on “How do you heal from a High E-motional break-up” is simple if you look at the anatomy of your emotional make up.

Ask yourself:

1.      Are you a needy person?

2.      Are you a co-dependent person?

3.      Were you ever explained what emotions where?

4.      Where does this pain hurt the most?

5.      Do I know how to deal with separation and loss?

6.      Is “Love” the reason I feel what I feel or have I not learned to process

         and separate my range of emotions from “LOVE.”

7.      Could the other person just not be for me?

8.      Is this my EGO making my decisions for me?

9.      Does my need for loving someone else over shadow the real love I need

for me?

10.    How can I utilize this E- Motional (energy in motion) body to create a

better life for me?

11.  Do I know the difference between LOVE & LUST?

Challenging your expectations is another way of healing from a “Highly E-Motional” break-up.

Am I a person that needs every emotional act reciprocated back to me? 

If you are, correct that immediately. Develop a method that would allow you to give of yourself freely without expecting something back. Usually people find it hard to do this because they feel, falsely, that they are being used. This is accompanied by a since of entitlement, however the truth of the matter is that no one owes you anything. However you owe yourself the world outside of selfish bargaining, you do, with the one you think you love.

Take the time to differentiate a passionate relationship from a passionate experience.

Often time we think we are having a passionate relationship when we are just having a passionate experience-it just last more than a one night stand. Our expectations on feelings rather perceived or unperceived set us up for emotionally disaster. Depending how we take on the feelings and onsite process of the experience determines proper healing. Learn where you are standing in the moment and see things as they are as opposed to the trappings of distorted fixations based in your crotch. Love the moment, encompassing every element, instead of just the person you are with.

No mathematical formula or vengeance can cure your dis-ease with yourself. You are the master of it all and your body mind and soul will tell when it is time to H.E.A.L. Tune into the healer within, it cures all.

About J. Thurman: A native of Chicago, J. Thurman uses his experience as a researcher, educator, and historian, to bring forth an offering that will start the movement to redefine the ideas of relationships between men and women. As a published author and relationship guru, he constantly pushes the envelope in the war between truth an honesty in relationships. He is a graduate of Southern University and currently lives in Atlanta, GA. He currently speaks and tours all over the country.

Contact Information:

J. Thurman
2798 Peek Road #623
Atlanta, GA 30318
Phone: (404) 667-2962
www.jthurman.com

40 Year Old Princess & the Frog

40 Year Old Princess & the Frog

 

J. Thurman, B.A.

J. Thurman, B.A.

I was on my way to see a movie a couple of weeks ago and I ran into a gang of Princess’ leaving the new Disney production of “Princess and the Frog” movie. When I say, I ran into a gang of Princess’ it was just that. There were these beautiful little majesties that came straight out of a story book. They were magical and filled with the spirit of the movie. They waved their wands and were draped with pink and glitter form head to toe. I felt humbled in their presence. I felt humbled the way that only royalty can surrender you. I saw the distinct possibilities of them maturing into the hierarchy of nobility and then transcending into “GODDESS”. However, most times a dream deferred does dry up like a raisin in the sun. The reality is that their individual potential will likely be wasted on false idioms of chivalry and old out-dated feminine ideology that fall short of making a way for them in the “NOW”.

 

In my book, “The Man-You-All” I take a look at the affects of fairy tales on the subconscious of women and from there the way they mold ‘their ideas” about what a man is “suppose to do”. The fairy tale most would say is outdated and passé. Others say that “Someday my Prince will come”. But for the 40 year old princesses out there therapy is on the way. The impact of fairy tales are so in grained in the subconscious of the culture that the blatancy of their presence is not even necessary anymore. The culture has assimilated their very essence. The fairy tale is the first. It is a complete microcosm of the way both genders interact with one another compassionately, affectionately and romantically. It is for most boys and girls their first “LOVE”. The new Disney production sets a precedent by having the first African American Princess presented to a commercial audience. The “Mad Men” on Madison Avenue must be looking at the marriage statistics for African Americans and panicking severely, this movie had to be made.

From the non-believer to the truest convert our ideas about relationships are shaped early by a fairy tale construct, period. As a by-product of celluloid this is your indoctrination whether direct or indirectly. Rather if your mother warned you about a wolf like character out in the streets plotting to lead you off the path of chastity or if you were prepped since birth to marry only a certain kind of man, its remnants are there.

Now the question I have for my 30+ Princess’ is-“WHY”? The Relationship begins with “YOU” and not with the “TWO”.  The “YOU” designs the fabric of your life. The “YOU” takes the fairy tale and processes it and uses it to create something unique and special. Listen, personally I love fairy tales. I love the music, the animation, the story and the lessons. But the architect of my personal fairy tale is me and me alone. If you are a little girl that dresses up like a princess sometimes I understand. Even if you are that little girl that snaps off when your mother wants you to take off your princess costume, I understand. But if you are a grown woman who dresses up like a little princess for her birthday every year and uses new years as an excuse to put a Tiara like object on your head-help is on the way.

Tiana and the Prince have an opportunity to find R.E.A.L love when both are turned into frogs because they have to work to see the real person inside. They are a reflection of each other while working together to find a solution to their dilemma. That sets the pace for the Happy Ending along with creating a business together. I love it. The drama that ensues makes the movies that much more great. The lesson in the end is about inner beauty, which is the only beauty, and is the only message that needs to be taken away from the experience.